Better to Say ...

Someone, I wish I knew who, was first to tell me that if I had nothing to say, then shut up.

It was very good advice.

I have never really practiced it, but I am sure it was good advice for someone.

I never know who reads what and I have a lot of pages out there. Sooner or later, people need to know about Polecat Hollow. And on this day when my opinions are not too strong and I am virtually played out, I think I'll introduce my favorite little town where my friends learn lessons in such a way as to enable me to teach them to others:

My friend Byron will take over:

>>Hmmm........what is that?  <<

Drive due East from Fresno in 180 and when the road ends keep going on I180 (That's I for imagination). Turn right at the summit where the sign says, "Doubleback." You are now in Doubleback County. Begin your descent and hold your nose. You'll pass the turnoff to Skunkville. Keep going. The musk factory will be on your left (Polecat Hollow Skunk Works). Never mind the line of Polecats awaiting daily extraction. It is painless and really quite pleasurable for them.

You'll notice an odor an it will get stronger and stronger as you get closer to town. Stop by Billie's House of Mountain Oysters just outside town and tell her the Mayor, Byron T. Simpleton sent you. That's me. She's my sister, you know. A lot of people don't know that, but she is.

I love her ... I guess ... Mom did .......

..... best.

But that is another subject. Billie Bluebud. She married Billie Bud Bluebud and they merged the diner with the visitor center back in 77. Billie Bud has an elixer that numbs the olfactories (sort of mimics the condition of the founders whose sense of smell was all shot to heck by the prairie dust storms back in 1879.) He offers that to visitors for 15 or 20 bucks - really cheap when you consider that you are now in the breeding ground for North American polecatery. You are situated in Skunk Central.

And we like it because that is the first thing we smelled when we came out of the womb. It's mother's milk and love and joy and fresh air to us.

As you can imagine, we are somewhat isolated. Not many folks come and stay; few leave (PCH folks just can't stand the odor outside our valley.)

Keep driving till you come to the Courthouse. There will be a statue of Colonel Thadeous T. Hinklebeiner pointing Westward toward the promised land - our town.

His group came out in 1879 after hearing rumors that there was a town in the High Sierra already built and ready for occupancy. It seems that the unnamed original settlers were strong and brave, but they came out before the Gold Rush in the winter and braved the elements to build a town - an extraordinary feat. But they were not strong enough to withstand what the Spring thaw brought. It took them about two weeks to pack and head back to the East.

Not everyone is cut out for Polecat Hollow.

Uncle Hinkey is. In fact, he is the son of the Colonel and his third wife, born in the Colonel's post-golden years. You'll find him sipping coffee at Mabel's Tea Cup and if he's lucky this day, he'll be sharing a cookie with Miss Prudence Love a find woman in her nineties who taught most of us in Sunday School. People ask my uncle how he feels about dating a younger woman. He replies, "If she'd ever say, 'yes" I'd feel great about it."

Miss Prudence is accomplished in the art of playing hard-to-get.

Take a break and sit in the park under the Colonel's statue after school and you might see the daily ceremony of a contingent of the Loyal Order of the Goobers as they honor the flag. If it is on a Saturday, they will be joined by the Junior Goobies - Buster and Sally and their friends, Spike and Mahilda, Elmo, and Igmund G. Goodfellow III (Iggy).

Don't loiter there or you may have to answer some questions from Chief John R. D. Law. It will be OK though. We really do like visitors; we're just suspicious of them, so few and far between - especially when they have Yankee accents like you - no offense.

Yep, yep, yep .... that's my town. Thanks to you for asking and to Tom for letting me answer.

There are quite a few stories from my town and Tom will eventually either publish them or post them at  www.polecathollow.net.

In fact, you just prompted him to write another entry.