Greenland/Denmark Set to Acquire United States
January 28, 2025
Breaking News
In a shocking counterproposal to US POTUS 45/47's overture toward the acquisition of Greenland, the government of Greenland and that of Denmark have made their own offer.
Greenland will purchase the land of the USA and all of its territories with a onetime payment of 20% of the net worth of every American family to that family.
A typical American family, after calculation of debt, would receive nothing, but those in the upper income brackets could do quite well with this nontaxable capital boost.
Asked about the economic impact of this move, most employees leaving the Treasury Department yesterday shook their heads and replied, "No Comment."
Defense, State, and Justice Department officials declined comment.
The President tweeted that he would look at the numbers and consult his masterpiece, "The Art of the Deal."
He would also be in touch with his accountant.
Reached by phone, the top official at the Department of Education said that the staff were developing a new curriculum series on Greenland's heritage that would include every child in America learning to sing and pronounce, "Nunarput utoqqarsuanngoravit" the National Anthem of Greenland.
Someone played it for the Trump family dinner last night and the President was reported to have been doing his usual hand gestures/dance moves and tapping his feet while whispering, "Not bad."