Wit, Wisdom, and Silliness Inspired by Answer Bag

My answer to “WHY DO U HATE & GET JEALOUS OF THOSE WHO HAVE DONE GOOD IN LIFE OR HAVE GOOD THINGS?”

 It is a choice. I choose to be inspired by them because I have opportunities to do as well if I embrace them. Lazy people choose to be jealous. People who are afraid to take risks hate those who do. The remedy is personal change. Circumstances may not change, but people can. If someone feels bitter toward successful people, he/she should get over it and focus, instead, on his/her own movement toward success, however they define it. Another person's success cannot limit me, but it can motivate me.

My response to, “OK at 17, (still am) i was convicted of felony; Possession of Cocaine and now I’m worried about my future with that felony there. Do you think ill be able to get a decent job?”

 Are you done with that nonsense?

If not, you should be very worried.

If you are, you can have a very bright future.

My answer to “Do you believe that music now is as important as it has been in the past?”

Absolutely. Music exists in eternity and is always vital to who we are. It is interwoven into the fabric of the universe through pulses and subdivisions, frequencies, and rhythms. If no human ever sub-created music, it would exist all around us. Music simply is and always will be.

My reflections on the question, “What does ABC stands for? “

Always Be Courteous.
Always Be Cool.
Act By Consensus.
A Big Crooner
A Boisterous Coward
After Bowling Conference  

Actually Being Crafty

and one more, because it is tiring <g> ...

Affectively Botched Configuration
(ie ... You attitude is out of wack.)

My answer to this question: “Would you say you "give as good as you get" or do you let most things slide by without feeling a need to defend or attack?”

 If I "give and I get," then I am surrendering control of my life to someone else's behaviors and choices. I am letting the other person run my life and emotions.

If I must defend myself at all times, then I am saying that what someone else thinks of me or says about me changes who I am or determines how I feel about myself.

Frank Sinatra said that the best revenge is success.

Build your life as if your critics do not exist. Become a beacon of truth for them. Show them that you are stronger than their attacks by having a good day in spite of anything they say or do. That is my philosophy.

Am I always successful at it?

Mostly -- not always. I am a work in progress.

However, when I don't practice it, thing don't go as well as when I do.

I would much rather be proactive in my life than reactive. The Golden Rule is as much for us as it is for "them."

 My answer to an 18 year old who wonders if he is too young to have the credibility to sell real estate and how much he can expect to make in the first year:

Make what you can, but stick with it for the long haul. Don't let anyone limit you or tell you what you cannot do because you are young. Turn your disadvantages into advantages. Listen to mentors. Surround yourself with experienced people. Read about people skills, personal development, sales, and real estate for at least 30 minutes every day. Turn off your radio in the car and listen to motivational and educational audios whenever you are driving. Drink coffee or have lunch or breakfast with a postive

YOU CAN DO IT!!! person at least once a day. Keep lists of goals. Count every "no" as a step toward "yes."

 My answer to what happened to all the missing socks:

he Twilight Zone

There they formed a coalition of mix-matched socks and were animated by a race of invisible shape-shifters. The symbiotic partnership is a thriving example of how entities can work together to form the formless and inform the clueless.

That is my current theory, but it is in flux.

We were asked how to tell a relative that her house was a disaster. I answered:

First you get an asbestos suit and cover it with armor.

Then you psyche yourself up into a really audacious and meddlesome mood.

Then you look up some really cool insults about dirty houses on the Internet.

Next, practice them in the mirror.

Then, forget it. You cannot do it without hurting her feelings or imposing your will on her. I know you mean well, but it may not be taken well.

If you feel she is overwhelmed and asking for help, you can suggest that if she ever needs help with anything around the house, that she should feel free to ask you.

Then wait to be asked.

Now, you know your relationship with your relative better than I do and if you feel she would appreciate your input, and then give it. However, I suspect that if you already felt permission from her to advise her, you would have already done so. <smile>.

Asked if we used our university degree every day, I answered:

 I don't really use my degree every day, but my education is a part of me and I use it constantly.

Do you feel that you are currently living the life you are supposed to be living and that you are doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing or are you still searching?

This was a good question. I answered: Exactly? No. Approximately? Yes.  Moving in the right direction? Definitely. Growing? Absolutely. In the right place, doing the right thing, at the right moment? Yes. Living in the will of God? By His grace.

Asked if there were tactful and kind ways to tell someone they had bad breath, I answered:

Put it on yourself.

Buy some of those breath strips and put one in your mouth. Then offer them one and say, "I seem to need these after every meal and sometimes between meals. It is surprising how quickly my breath gets a little offensive. I guess that's true of everyone."

If that doesn't work, not much else may.

We were asked, “Do you find that most people who believe in Creationism look extremely un-evolved?” I answered:

No, but I have this amazing craving for bananas.

To the question, “How big is your imagination?” I answered:

 

It is bigger than my present reality,
but it shapes my future reality.

It is greater than my thoughts,
for my thoughts cannot fully contain all there is.

It is far more expansive than my words,
and words cannot express the wonders I see in my mind's eye.

It is more magnificent than anything I have ever seen
for it always takes me to the next step beyond.

It is pretty big.

Someone asked, “What?” I answered:

WHY?
or even ...
HOW?
WHAT will be will be.
The WHAT of it is the IT of it or IS IT?
WHAT =
Whatever
Happens
Accelerates
Time

 

 

 “If you were to fart in a business meeting and get caught, what would you say to make light of the situation?”

Probably just "Excuse me."

However I heard a funny story of a fellow named Tom, like me, who was teaching a class and someone flatulated.

The expulsion of air sounded like his name in his ear and he kept askin who called his name ... to the point of insisting.

After that, all of the people there started referring to farting as "talking to Tom."

 “How far would you go on a first date?”

 I answered this one from a father’s perspective:

I'd say 5 miles maximum and if it is a young lady I think of as a daughter, with your hands in your pocket the whole time except when you are driving. Preferably, though, being driven by your aged grandmother. That will go well for the second, third, and 25th dates. hand-holding can commence with engagement and kissing - well you can rehearse that at the wedding rehearsal.

Mostly kidding - but not entirely.

“Do you ever feel pressured nowadays to produce enough things to talk about because of everyone always commenting on people's 'banter'?”

This question afforded a wonderful opportunity to interject an observation. Most of us feel inadequate as conversationalist because we have not developed the art of active listening and have not learned how to ask the right questions. Here is my answer:

We were asked how to find lost things. I gave my process:

1. First, I look around.
2. Then I try to visualize the last time I remember having it and where I was.
3. I look there.
4. Then, I retrace my recent steps.
5, Somewhere along the line, I pray for guidance.
6. Then, I ask people when they last saw me with it or if they borrowed it.
7. Then I listen to their advice about where to find it - usually stuff I've already done, but sometimes it is helpful.
8. I walk away and do something else.
9. I come back and do all of those steps again and ask deeper questions of myself.
10. I start looking in all the illogical places like the floor around the toilet (where I have often found my wallet) and places like that.
11. I walk away again.
12. I start looking for something else.
13. Eventually it turns up in either some (a) really unlikely place that suddenly makes sense or (b) some likely place where I have looked before.

CAUTION - THIS DOES NOT WORK WITH SOCKS!!!!!!

Why did Jesus have to sacrifice himself to himself to keep him from sending us to hell?

Whenever you forgive, you sacrifice. You absorb the pain and suffering of what is inflicted upon you. You choose not to relieve your pain through revenge, retribution, or in any other way. You take the penalty on your life. That is what God in Christ did for us on the cross. He simply absorbed the pain, suffering, and justice for our sins. The physical, visible event was an outward manifestation and demonstration of the invisible and spiritual act of forgiving. We tend to see it in judicial and natural terms, but this is really about grace and eternity and God's way of expressing His love. It is relational. He does everything possible to block our way to hell. It is not His intent for us. There is no need for it. All the provision is made.

From the cross, Jesus shouts, "STOP!!! You don't need to do that. you don't need to go there. You don't need to choose that. Come to me and live!"

Of course God could over-rule our free will, but then we could not enter into a love relationship with Him and that would not be loving of Him. We'd all just be Stepford Wives.

 

When asked the best way to show love to a person, I answered:

Learn their love language and speak, in it, plainly and honestly to them.

Read, "The Five Love Languages" by

Gary

Chapman -

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product

the Five Love Languages "We all know that the greatest commandment is to love. However, relatively few of us know how to express our love in the heart language of our family and friends Fortunately, in The Five Love Languages Gary Chapman identifies the five primary love languages and teaches us how to use these languages to express our love. Although this edition of The Five Love Languages was written specifically for couples, the basic principles Chapman explores will apply to all relationships.

Asked for a comeback when someone calls us fat, I answered:

I am blessed with bountiful nourishment and the capacity to store up provisions for a long and desolate winter.

I’m trying to write a song, and I want something a long the lines of you like somebody, then you tell them and it changes everything...got any ideas?

La-la-la-la-la-lalala.
Ohhhhh ... awwwww ... oooooo, aw....
I feel Soooooo bad.
Miss what I had...
We once were a friendship connection
But I told you of my affection
Now our love is complicated
And I feel so castigated.
La-la-la-la-la-lalala.
Ohhhhh ... awwwww ... oooooo, aw....
I feel Soooooo bad.
Let's go back to simplicity.
Let's return to the felicity.
I'd rather have you as a bud
Than bury my face in mud.

and that sort of thing ...